Morten and Jakob Kristian join Floyd Landis and David Zabriskie, who are attending a cannabis convention in Las Vegas. Floyd gets feisty.
Floyd: “I don’t know how a magazine makes any money. Maybe books are better. Take Bradley Wiggins. He writes a book every year. Have you read any of them?”
“Because he seems like a huge asshole.”
Floyd continues: “That’s what I mean! So publish this: I’m an Amish pacifist. But if I ever cross paths with Wiggins I’m gonna punch him so hard, he wouldn’t know what the fuck happened.”
“You would not,” says Dave.
“I would,” says Floyd. “I hate that guy.”
“Because he talked all kinds of shit about me. He talked crazy shit about me. Really personal stuff. For no reason. And he said I ruined cycling for him because he has to face all this drug talk. Which I’d say is partly his own fault. He can’t blame me for riding faster than the other guys.”
“Did you ride with Wiggins or was he still on the track?”
“He was in the gruppetto! I mean, I never talked to him. If he had yelled, I wouldn’t have heard it. That’s how far back in the peloton he was. He sucked. He was good on the track. We knew that. But he was barely average on the road. Barely. Listen: Xxxx xxxxxxx xx x xxxxxx. Xx xxxxxxxx xxx xxxxx. Xxxxxx xx x xxx xxxx xxxx xxxxx xxx. Xxxx xxxx xx xxxx xxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxx. Xxxx xx xxxxx xxxx xxxxx xx x xxx xxxx xxxxx x xxxxxxxx xxx xxx xxxxxxxxxxx. Xxx xxxx. All right?
And I told Xxxxxxxx Xxxxxxxxx. And he said xxx xxx xxx xxx xxxxxxxx xxxx xxxx xx xxx x xxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx problem. Essentially xxxx xxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxx xxxxxxx xx xxxxx xxxx xx xxxx xxx xxx xx xxx xxxx. So saying that it’s the xxxxxxx xx xxxx xxxxxxxxx xxxx xxx xxxxxx are bad.”
“Xxxxx said something similar,” I say.
“Xxxxx?” says Floyd.
“It means Lance! Lance said it,” I say.
“Well, it’s a valid point. But at the time it was a reverse point. Cycling was fucked. And Lance saved cycling. It seemed so, right. Until he was exposed. But he is an asshole, so fuck it, right. And me, too. And Jan Ullrich, I suppose. Nobody gives a shit. And so we take turns taking it in the ass.”
Las Vegas. I feel I’m not entirely writing about Floyd Landis.